Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
