I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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