I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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