The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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