Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
