a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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