I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
