When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
