Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
