we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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