i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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