6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
operation have a gay friend backfired
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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