so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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