btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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