Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
