Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
