I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We left the knife in your bed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
