I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
