I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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