so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
