I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
