I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
