I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
