Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
