i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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