Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
