Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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