I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
