meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
