Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am naked and annoyed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
