I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
