i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
