the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
