the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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