you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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