Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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