Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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