i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
