I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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