I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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