he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
