No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
