just come out here and I will go home with you...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
