Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
