dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
