are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
