The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My bed smells like the plague
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
