He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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