fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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