Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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