Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We have started to decorate penises.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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