...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
